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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I made myself super sick

in the last blog when I talked about how "I feel sick idk whyy"

I made myself sick

I had thought I can cold turkey one of my medications

well I couldn't do it

and I think I irreparably damaged my body and my brain

I had to miss a few appointments I had because I was too sick to get out of bed

and now even still I cant eat properly and my body and stomach always feels strange

I also feel much more lost in my own brain, It's like I'm just floating around in a dream and I cant focus sharply

I also lost 5 pounds. well, I'm not too mad about that since I wanted to anyways.

 but most annoyingly now they made me stop taking my psych meds

because they don't believe I went to withdrawals from the one I tried to stop... 

now I can't sleep either

so basically that's why I didn't blog w

obv I have no energy and I feel like I am asleep all the time

well, while I was down I applied for a lot of jobs.

Sephora, Bath and Body Works, ULTA, Lovers (it's a sex toy store, it's owned by PlayBoy!), a weed dispensary, a doggie daycare, I also reapplied to GAP.

its really hard to go from a job you were passionate about and really wanted to go to every day, to just whatever minimum wage "it's a job" crap will hire me.

oh well. I'll stop being winey ww

Today J woke up and decided he wanted Krispy Kreme so we drove all the way to another town to get it w

Breakfast was Starbucks, Dragon Drink with extra coconut milk and a bagel 

He got 28 donuts just for himself wwww

I wont eat any, I'm working hard to lose some weight, like I had said before.

My newest baby brother was born!

He was born a little bit prematurely, so he is in the NICU, but he's doing well

my mom worked very hard during this pregnancy and I hope they're able to rest now

I completely redid my pinterest

I made it about ME

that seems obvious.

But I thought about it and I noticed that people always make their pinterest a collection of stuff they want to be (like, "ganguro" board where you save all the pics of ganguro you see)

well, I want to see what my own style looks like, cause I'm curious.

so now how I'm doing my pinterest is that I have a ME board.

where I'll save all the things that "spark joy" for me or that matches my personal taste specifically

still it's very hard to get out of the habit of "this goes with the look of the board" instead of "I genuinely see this for myself"

but I regularly go back and delete things as well

you can go look at it here

You can also see my home board too w

lately we are very into these 

when I first came to visit J years ago, he bought me one of these to try

because the company has my name ww

but it was so strong and I was inconsolably high for over 9 hours

I haven't tried the 100mg one again but I have been enjoying the 10mg ones.

I also like that they're so cute

Latey

Xena went to the vet and she was naughty so she had to be muzzled!

I'm going to buy her a pink one for future visits wwww

one of my succulents is reproducing?? or something??

succulent anaomy is so strange and freaky

I've been eating soup with this jar method like crazy